So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
