im drinking this country out of the recession.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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