im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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