shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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