I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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