Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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