I will die if light touches me.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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