i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
