If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
