god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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