We won't sleep together?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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