fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
