guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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