We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
