its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
