I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
