i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
