I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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