All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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