lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
