Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
bring money and cleavage
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
