According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
