Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
