Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize