I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
