I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
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i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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