my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
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He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
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I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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