I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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