He managed to light the Jello on fire...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
