there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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