I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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