Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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