He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
