Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
