uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
