u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My life is pants optional.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
