Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize