Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
