I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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