Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
