Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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