Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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