i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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