last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
