I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize