white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
