so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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