I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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