FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
