you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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