i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
