I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
