Sry I called you an 8
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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