if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
