I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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