Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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