According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
