I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
