i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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