The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
