Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
