it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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