hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
