Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
