How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
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Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
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She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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