I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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