I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Mom said you looked used
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
