oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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