so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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