maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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