I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
