for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
