Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
