HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
