you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
