My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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