Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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