Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You're like the curious george of whores
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
