Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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