it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
