haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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