Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
