friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Randomize
