Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
